How Do I Answer Questions About Sexuality?

Genesis 1:26-28

The church has not always done a good job navigating the subject of sexuality. How do we respond to our kids when they come home and say, “My friend…,” “My teacher…,” or “We read this book about…”? Solomon said there is nothing new under the sun. There has been a sexual revolution about every 50 years. Jesus said in the last days there would be a generation that would look like Sodom and Gomorrah. Culture changes, but God does not. To begin answering questions on sexuality, we must first look at:

Creation and Beauty

It really does not matter what I, you, or anyone else thinks. It matters what God has said. He has given us His standard in Scripture. You and I are going to answer to our Creator on judgement day, not culture. The Creation story is a series of binaries: day and night, earth and sky, water and land, sun and moon, male and female. God’s design was one man and one woman for a lifetime. “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, the whole earth… So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female. God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth…” (Gen. 1:26-28). Male and female both reflect the image of God, both rule over creation, and both carry out the mandate to fill the earth with offspring. The body is good. Sexuality is a gift. God made us complex whole beings. You cannot divide sex from gender. This is the first mention of sex in the Bible. It is not a prohibition but an instruction. Have sex and multiply! Paul elaborates on the body in the New Testament. In 1 Corinthians 6:15-18, he reminds us that God’s gift of sex is for oneness. In verses 19-20, he tells us that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit and that we are to glorify God with our body. Abusing and misusing God’s gift has unintended consequences. You are hurting yourself! Whether you are single, divorced, married, or widowed, your body does not belong to you. It belongs to God. We are to honor God with our body, control our body, and are not to give in to our feelings. God has created your body and there is beauty to be experienced when we live in His design. In talking about sexuality we must recognize the:

Confusion and Brokenness

The beauty of sexuality has been distorted by sin. God’s good gift has been misused and become a source of pain, brokenness, and depravity. Adam and Eve rebelled against God’s authority. That is our story too. We want to be free, but we end up enslaved to sin by the choices we regret. God made Adam and Eve, put them in a tropical paradise naked, unafraid, and unashamed, and said it is good! Holiness has no reason to hide! But the immediate result of sin was guilt and shame. Adam and Eve tried to cover their bodies and hide. Man and woman’s identity has been distorted by sin. The issues we face today may be new to us but there is nothing that the church and people of God have not already faced. Christianity was born in a world of sexual permissiveness. The terms may have changed but human nature has not. Deuteronomy 22:5 tells us that in Moses’ day there were men who wanted to dress like women and women who wanted to dress like men. With Daniel and his three friends, we see that they were taught the language and literature of the Babylonians (Dan. 1:3-4). They were given new names, a new identity. “I am going to identify as…” is not a new thing. The devil still has the same old play book. The new morality is the same old immorality. Culture will try to confuse our identity. When culture shifts, you must know who you are. You are uniquely, intricately, and intentionally created by God (Jer. 1:5, Ps. 139:13-16).

Compassion and Blessing

Jesus saw the multitudes and was moved with compassion. They were like sheep without a shepherd. The whole Bible is for the whole person and we have the whole counsel of God to guide us. How should the church and Christians talk about sexuality? The way Jesus did.  He was full of grace and truth. Too often we see people go to one extreme or the other.  Grace – It does not matter how you live or what you do… We affirm, accept, and agree with you. Truth – You are going to hell! Truth is God’s standard. Grace is God’s favor. Truth without grace is mean. Grace without truth is meaningless. We know John 3:16 but we forget John 3:17, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” When the woman was caught in adultery, Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you… leave your life of sin.” To some people this is just a social/political issue. To God these are individuals. People who are hurting. We must be committed to love people who are confused and hurting. In the end it is love not logic that will change people’s hearts. Rarely are people argued into the Kingdom. Jesus said, “By this the world will know that you are my disciples if you love one another” (Jn. 13:35). The way we talk to and with people matters. Our tone and words are powerful. They can bless or they can curse. As we talk to people, remember:

Dialogue rather than debate. (Have a respectful, two-way conversation. If necessary, agree to disagree.)

Listen rather than lecture. (Ask them to tell you their story. Listen to their heart. Ask for permission to explain your Christian worldview.)

Assure rather than argue. (Don’t affirm a lie. Affirm the truth but assure them of your love.)

Connect through kindness. (Kindness draws us to the Lord and to each other.)

Scrap the stereotypes. (Some men are more gentle than others, but they are still a man. Some women are rougher and tougher than others, but they are still a woman.)

In a time of ever changing, continuous confusion, the church must be clear and speak the truth in love. Rejecting God’s design of how He created us and living outside His will for our lives will never bring peace. Jesus came to redeem us from our brokenness. Healing and hope start at the cross. Jesus suffered in His body to redeem and restore your body!

In closing, I want to encourage you to watch my full message from Sunday if you did not hear it. There is much more on each of these points than I can fit on the blog. You can find it at Additionally, I used an abundance of resources as I prepared. For further reading, here is the list:

Resources Consulted:

To Be a Woman by Katie J McCoy

Manhood Restored by Eric Mason
The Daniel Dilemma by Chis Hodges

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